Satsang Sunday Circle Blog for March 7, 2021 Janice Whitley
LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS
"We are quite busy wrapping ribbons of Peace and Love and Hope around the Earth. We put forth energy at a constant pace which will provide the Blessings necessary to Quiet the Hearts of those who do not embrace Peace.
"It is fo r you, Beloved Ones, to work tirelessly to bring forth all that is Good and Right and Fair and to reflect only that which can be seen as belonging to the Sacred Light.
"This mission is to live and thrive and perform without an ounce of ego-centered motive, but only with the Understanding that it is for the benefit of mankind and the survival of your existence in a state of Peace and Love and Goodness.
"Take this Whisper to your Gentle Heart and Believe that every thought, word and deed that you put forth becomes food for the mission. You can Quietly or Loudly pursue this endeavor - it is your choice - but pledge at this very moment to be an undying advocate for World Peace.
"Do you understand this whisper and do you join in the wrapping of the Ribbons of Love and Peace around your earth? Please answer and leave the energy of your Pledge here and now."
“You see this goblet?” — asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai Buddhist master. “For me, this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table, and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”
Expectations cause us suffering — pretending that things will go our way creates unnecessary stress. Life is like a fragile glass — it will break sooner or later. Rather than expecting things to happen your way, enjoy them for what they are and while they last.
Expectations Drive Deception
“Deceiving others. That’s what the world calls a romance.”— Oscar Wilde
People tell me that, sometimes, they feel they are living someone else’s life. Like something is missing. That’s because they allow other people to determine their choices.
Social pressure is deceiving — we can quickly lose control of our lives without noticing it. Your boss, partner, friends, parents and more have expectations — they don’t see you for who they are. They observe the gap between who you are and what they want you to become.
To overcome expectations, we must maintain ownership of our choices. Pleasing other people is like chasing a moving target. Everyone has different hopes for you. Social pressure is fluid — people will continually change their expectations toward you. Expectations are an illusion. By trying to please everyone, we end pleasing no one — ourselves included. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. Everyone feels frustrated and disappointed.
That’s why it’s better to expect the unexpected — accept the glass will break.
Anticipation is boring — even when things go as expected, we can’t enjoy unsurprising events. Even the few times we get what we wished for, we cannot be happy either. That’s the problem with anticipation — we experience things before they happen. We fall in love with the expectations. If what we anticipated doesn’t come true, we feel life is unfair. If it happens, then the lack of surprise makes the actual experience less exciting. The same happens with people. They expect you to behave in a particular way, but when you fail you to do so, they get frustrated. If you do please their expectations, they will have new hopes for you.
“Don’t walk in my head with your dirty feet.” ― Leo Buscaglia
People tend to make decisions based on how others expect them to perform. Others can help us raise or lower our bar. Most people try to fulfill other’s expectations to gain respect and appreciation.
People who believe in you can stimulate you, or the other way around. However, what happens when their intentions don’t align with your desires? When people fail to live up to your expectations, it’s not their fault. Similarly, people’s expectations are theirs; you have no obligation to fulfill them. Pushy influence always creates disappointment.
Aiming for the best is not the problem — our attachment to concrete expectations is the issue.
Dalai Lama said, “Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.”
When our expectations are unrealistic, they turn into a bigger problem. Like hoping that a glass will never break. That’s why we should expect the worst and aim for the best. You have expectations of others. And others stack expectations on you. Some are more realistic than others. Believing that unspoken expectations will bring you what you want is unrealistic. Expecting your colleagues to do what is in your interest, but not theirs is unrealistic. To think that merely communicating your expectations is going to get your children to follow the rules is also unrealistic. Expecting others to do what is in both of your interests can be realistic.
People Expect You to Be Someone Else
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
Many people bear resentment when the outcome of an event is less than they imagined it would be, even if their expectation was based on unrealistic assumptions.
The gap between what people expect from you and who you are makes everyone frustrated. To bridge that void, you must reframe your relationship with people’s expectations .Not expecting things from others is the first step towards preventing people from dictating how you live.
Life is reciprocal — when you realize no one owes you anything, you won’t expect people to owe you anything either. Expectations create a social contract — it’s an implicit agreement between others and you. If you don’t push back, people will assume you are okay with it.
That’s why people invade our lives. When they don’t see any resistance, they keep moving from a beachhead to conquer your entire life. Some do it on purpose — they love controlling other’s lives. Others do it because they are merely reacting — their behavior reflect what others do to them.
Regardless of people’s intentions, it’s up to you to overcome their invasion. Speak up. If you don’t resist, not only you legitimize the agreement, it becomes a social practice. Soon, you’ll start doing the same to others — when you let other people define your life, you want to prescribe theirs too.
How to Defeat Expectations
Put your oxygen mask first:
The first step to getting rid of expecta